Funny Life Quotes

Funny life quotes

 

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody’s perfect, so why practice?

A- You are attractive
B- You are best
C- You are cute
D- You are dear
E- You are excellent
F- You are funny
G- You are good looking
H- he he he
I- I am
J- Joking.

If you ever want to succeed in your life,
Be sweet  as honey, be regular as clock,
Be fresh as rose, be soft as tissue,
Be strong as rock, be smart as me.

Monday goes to Tuesday to see Wednesday and
Ask Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that
Sunday is a holiday, Have a great Sunday.

Your friendship is like blank cheque for me,
Its an asset not a liability, always a credit not a debit
Always a profit not a loss and I hope it will never bounce.

A woman had 8 sons, all named Kevin
On asking how she managed to call one in particular
Her answer “that’s easy  I call them by their surnames”

What is true  friendship
You cry and I cry
You sad and I sad
You laugh and I laugh
You jump out of window, I look down, I am still laughing.

Good Morning:
Have you done two of the most important things when you woke up today
1) Pray……So that you may live
2) Take bath……So that others may live.

7 ways to be happy:
1) Never hate
2) Don’t worry
3) Live simple
4) Expect little
5) Give a lot
6) Always smile
7) Have a great friend like me.

You must be a good runner, because you are always running in my mind
You must be a good thief, because you have stolen my heart, and
I am  a bad shooter because Iam always shooting you.

If you read this, I am smart
If you save this, you agree that I am smart
If you forward this, you are spreading I am smart
If you delete this your jealous because I am smart

God offered me a  wish, I said “world peace”
He said it s not possible, ask another
I asked him to make you intelligent
God said “let me try world peace”.

I like seeing you, I like hearing you,
I like to spend my time with you but
you are always surrounded by others as
you are the main attraction of zoo.

Not every  flowers can represent love but roses did it
Not every tree can stand thirst but cactus did it
Not every monkey can read sms but you did it.

A man got 2 wishes from god
He asked for the best drink and the best girl ever!
Next moment he got Mineral Water and Mother Teresa
Moral : ‘Be Specific’

Three kinds of people in world :
Some remain single and see wonders happen,
Some have girlfriends and make wonders happen,
Rest get married and wonder what happened.

ABC: Always be careful
DEF: Don’t ever forget me)
JKLM: Just keep loving me
NOPQRSTUVW: No other person quite right shall teach u very well.

A guy was in the pub, one night with his girlfriend and said “I Love You”…
Girl Friend : Is that you or the beer talking…?
The Guy said : it’s me talking to the beer…..

A man gave 50 rupees tip to waiter.
Waiter- Yesterday your son gave 500 rupees tip and you gave only 50 ?
Reply by man – He is the son of millionare, Iam the son of a farmer.

I don’t know why people give me lot of respect, when I send SMS
They put their head down and read.
Just like you.
My God….
Crazy fans!!

A great scholar William shakespear once said
“The real problem doesn’t start when a boy starts looking at girl,
It begins when she turns back and give a smile”!

Dad to son- when I beat you, how do you control your anger.
Son- I start cleaning toilet.
Dad- How does that help?
Son- I clean with your Tooth Brush….

Daughter- I am in love with neighbor,
So I am running away with him.
Dad : Thanks dear, you have saved money and time
Daughter : Dad! I am reading this letter left by mom….

A psychological fact-
When two Indian couples come face to face…!
Wives look at each others dressings
And Husbands look at each others wife….

Student suddenly walk out of the class
Professor: asks why is this fellow walking out of my class?
Children: Sir, he has the habit of walking while sleeping.

Angry husband sent sms to father-in-law…
Your product, not meeting my requirement.
Smart father-in-law
WARANTY EXPIRED,
MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE.

If swimming is the good exercise to stay fit,
Why whales are fat?
Why is that everyone wants to go to heaven,
But nobody want to die?
Shall I say that there is racial discrimination in chess as
White piece is moved first?
In our country, we have freedom for speech,
Then why telephone bills?
If money doesn’t grow as trees,
Then why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t a glu stick to its bottle?
Why do you still call It a building,
When its already built?
If you are not suppose to drink and drive
Why do bars have parking lotz?
We are funny people living in a seriously funny world…..!

Americans incented simcard.
Japanese invented cellphone
Indians invented “missed call”.
Proud to be an Indian.

Thought for the day-
Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones
Try a different one each day.
After all ….
Variety is the spice of life.

Why do we fall in love?
Lack of Experience…
Why do we break in love?
Lack of Patience…
Then why do we want to fall in love again?
Lack of brains…

What is difference between Poetry and Essay?
Any word uttered by a girlfriend is poetry
While anything said by a wife is an Essay!

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