Santa Banta Quotes and Sms

Santa Banta Quotes and Sms

Dress code for a party – BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party and
is surprised to see that the
other guests are wearing SUITS also!

Santa walks into a library
and says, “Can I have a burger
and coke?”
Librarian,  I’m sorry, this is a library.
“Santa whispers, “Can I Have a burger
and coke?”

Preeto to maid: Oh Kanta,
I have reason to suspect that Banta is
having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don’t believe it!
You are just trying to make me jealous.

Banta: Name the three fastest
means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television,
Tell-a-Woman.

Santa: Tell me a word consist
of 100 letters.
Banta: P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

Santa and Jeeto were on
an African Safari when a lion
sprang out of nowhere and
dragged Jeeto with his jaws.
Jeeto: Shoot him, Shoot him!
Santa: I can’t. I ran out of film.

Jeeto: I didn’t know you smoked.
When did you start?
Preeto: That day my husband
came home early and found a
cigrette butt in the ash tray.

Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes
for a walk in the evening?
Santa: Very Simple, Because he
is PM not AM.

Once a professor Santa asked a
plumber
to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check from
where the question
paper is leaking.

Jeeto: Why do farts stink?
Santa: So that deaf people can
enjoy them too!

America: In our country,
marriage even takes place
with email. Santa: In India,
it is only with a female.

Manmohan Singh to Bush-
We are sending Indians to the
moon next year. Bush- Wow!
How many? Manmohan Singh-100.
25-OBC, 25-ST, 25-SC, 5- Handicapped,
5- Sports Persons,
5- Terrorist Affected, 5-Kashmiri
Migrants, 9- Politicians and if
possible 1 Astronaut.

One day Santa’s Girl friend asks him,
Darling, on our engagement,
will you give me a ring?
Santa: Yeah sure, give me your
Telephone Number.

Lady to inspector Santa:
My husband went to buy potatoes
5 days ago, he hasn’t come back yet!
Santa: Why don’t you cook something else.

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next…
“Show me some more colors in this..”

Santa sent a sms to his pregnant wife.
Couple of seconds later he received a
report on his phone
and he started to dance.
The report said:’Delivered’.

Jeeto and Preeto were talking
about their new milk man.
Jeeto: He’s very good looking,
punctual and dresses so smartly..
So quickly too! Said Preeto.

Santa reading from book of facts:
“Do you know that every time
I breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a
Mouth Wash?”

Santa proposed a girl…
Girl said I’m 1 year elder to you…
Santa said Oye no problem Soniye,
I’ll marry you next year.

A lady calls Santa for repairing
door bell,
Santa doesn’t turn up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.

Santa: My mother-in-law was
bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.
Santa: Yes, It was sad to watch
the dog die in convulsions.”

Banta: What’s the difference
between an oral thermometer
and a rectal thermometer?
Santa: The taste.

Santa falls in love with a nurse…
After so much of thinking,
he finally writes a love letter
to her: “I Love you sister.”

Question: Why did Santa throw
the butter out of the window?
Answer: He wanted to see butterfly!

Santa standing on platform
suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa you’ll die.
Santa You’ll die because haven’t you
heard train is coming on platform?

Q: How do you recognize Santa’s
son, Pappu, in the school?
A: He is the one who erases the books
when the teacher erases the board.

Santa: My father was an extremely
brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot
of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn’t say he got out.
Teacher: I want you to tell me the
longest sentence you can think of
Pappu: Life imprisonment!

Banta was driving down the
highway past a sign that said,
“Clean Toilets 8 Kms.”
By the time he drove eight
Kms he had cleaned 14 toilets.

Banta: Why is the police
nicknamed “The heart of the country”?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats…

Santa: I hug my wife everyday
before leaving for office,
what about you?
Banta: Me too, after you leave.

Santa and Banta got tired of
mobile and decide to use pigeons.
One day a pigeon reaches banta
without message. Angry Banta calls Santa:
Oye, this was a missed call.

Jeeto: You tell a man something,
It goes in one ear and comes out
of the other.
Santa: You tell a woman something,
It goes in both ears and comes
out of the mouth.

Q: Why was Santa writing the
exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in
the line said: I’ve seen your
password.
It’s ****.
Santa: You are wrong. It’s 1394.

Santa was riding on a horse.
He jumped the red light and
a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse and
says: ‘Now note the Number’.

Jeeto: If I die what will you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some timetoo much of
happiness can also kill a man.

While walking in the highlands
Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: Are you OK?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did you break anything?
Santa: No, there’s nothing down here.

Q: Why did santa take his pregnant
wife Jeeto to Pizza hut?
A: Because they advertized: ‘Free
delivery’.

Santa: What’s the difference
between man and a Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear
under the trouser and Superman
wears it over the trouser.

Santa was caught for speeding
and went before the judge.
The Judge: What’ll you take
30 days or Rs: 3000/-
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.

Santa was Standing in sun
on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying Sweat.

Pappu while filling up a form:
What should I write against
Mother tongue?
Santa: Very long…!

Santa – My wife died yesterday…
I’m trying to cry but tears are
not coming out, what to do?
Banta – No problem.
Just imagine she came back.

Santa met with an accident…!
Doctor: You need Stiches…
Santa: What will be the cost..?
Doctor: 8000/- Rupees
Santa: Oh hello…
I need stiches, not embroidery Work!!!

After an Accident,
A very Angry Driver: I showed
you the headlights and told
you to go by side.
Santa: I also started the wipers
and said No, no…No no…

Santa and Banta were fixing Bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if
the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Don’t worry, I have one
more.

Santa: “God, if you give me 100
rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in
temple.”
(After walking some distance, he finds
a 50 rupee note)
Santa: “It hurt me, you don’t even
trust
me a little? You have already taken
your share!”

After 15 years of Marriage
Santas wife asked her Husband
to describe her.
He looked at her slowly
and then said,
“A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K”.
“What does that mean?”
“Adorable, Beautiful, Cute,
Delightful, Elegant,
Fashionable, Gorgeous, and Hot”
He Replied.
She smiled happily and then asked,
What about I-J-K?
“He Replied,
I’m Just Kidding!”

Banta to Santa:
Why are you burying your
driving license?
“It is expired.”

Banta owned a factory.
He issued orders that only
married men would be employed.
Friends asks: Why this?
Banta reply: Because Married men are
more Obedient.

Santa – Oye! What are you doing?
Banta – Recording this babys voice.
Santa – Why?
Banta – When he grows up,
I shall ask him what he meant by this…

Santa: Yesterday the police arrested
me for tampering with the ATM.
Banta: What did you do?
Santa: He asked me to enter
the pin and I inserted a safety pin.

A Man to Santa- Your friend is
Kissing your wife in your home,
he rushes to his home and
come within half an hour and
slapped that men and
Said- He was not my friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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